MY CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS

th020DNOIYI havent had the easiest childhood,I wasnt as fortunate as most kids are,You know that privilege to actually live out your childhood.I was thrown into the deep end,To mature at a young age,that is at the age of  7 years.Im the eldest of 2 younger siblings.At the time my brother was born and i basically looked after him.Then a year after my baby sister was born..i ended up looking after/raising both of them and did my schooling aswell.At the time my parents were having problems,nothing was ever hidden,I was exposed to all,All the arguments,tension,pain,sorrow…I felt i was the only one that “kept it all together”i felt alone as a child because lets admit it ,no child should ever go or be exposed to that because it could leave long-term scars,that is built up anger,pain and child eventually becomes a rebellious teenager,i took it upon myself to look at life positively,i was forced to because i had 2 younger siblings to take care of.It wasnt easy.When i became a teenager i never really had that older sister or brother to speak to,like yes there were my parents but it’s not the same and at the time they were going through their own stuff[you know,those problems]at the age of 14 years when i was officially in high school,you know you feel all grown up and you’re exposed to a lot,that be good and bad.I realised how angry i was and how much pain i was carrying,i felt burdened,my heart-felt heavy and i needed ways to express myself,i then became quite rebellious .

BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ON HIGH SCHOOLnew-the-different-types-of-child-abuse-and-their-effect-on-children-4.jpg

So basically Assault is someone who forces himself on you without your verbal  consent.Sexual Assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that persons consent or coerce or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape{forced vaginal,anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault}

UNfortunately ,i was a victim at the time of sexual assault.

There was a guy that liked me very much,but he belonged to a gang,a well-known gang.I Wasnt interested because i was the girl who was focused on her studies and obviously i wouldn’t want to be with a gangster,that is be his friend or even date him.

He asked me out a few times and i Said NO,but he wasnt used to being rejected because he was “THEE GUY” on school so yeah he took it quite hard.

So this day i never saw coming,it was the day i changed completely from being All brave and confident..To fearing for my life and i looked at myself differently..

It was an ordinary day in Summer,My Teacher sent me to the office to drop some papers,it was all quiet because everyone was in their classes..As i was walking to the office i passed a dark Alleyway,I was pulled in by some guys including the guy that liked me..HE pushed  me to the ground and told me that its my fault what his about to do to me,if i hadn’t been so stubborn this wouldn’t have happened.So obviously i feared for my life ,i was in tears..i begged him to stop and told him we could speak about this like civil human beings,but he wouldnt listen i tried but his friend kept my mouth shut with his hand.They all were all laughing at the time,they found it funny that i was about to be raped.So a few of his friends kept me down while the other kept my mouth shut,he removed my Tights and unbuttoned  and unzipped his pants he pulled down my panty,Then as he was about to penetrate me…I had shifted my mindset and told myself “Fatimah,this is happening.When this is all done,you’ll carry on as if nothing happened,you’ll be okay..you will go home and laugh and be the happy-go-lucky person you are always and you wont tell a soul”

but the janitor caught him just in time before he could penetrate me,i remember it as if it happened yesterday,every detail and every facial expression and every force on my body,i can still feel their touch.

After he got caught he assured me if I were to ever tell a soul he’ll hurt my parents and i had to keep it to myself.he was then suspended from school.After 2 years of carrying this major burden i had told my parents what happened..I never really went for counselling as i was ashamed but i prefered to get through it myself..and yes I’ve gotten there

This strengthened me and made me a stronger being,instead of looking at myself as a victim ,i look at myself as being victorious..It couldve broke me but i refused and chose for it to make me …It made me the person i am today.

SO IF THERES ANYONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED SOMETHING SIMILIAR OR RECENTLY EXPERIENCED SUCH A HORRIBLE ORDEAL,I ASSURE YOU IT WILL BE OKAY..SPEAK TO SOMEONE,THAT BEING SOMEONE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH BECAUSE SUPPRESSING ALL THESE FEELINGS SUCH AS ANGER AND PAIN WILL MAKE YOU SICK  EVENTUALLY AND YOU’LL FOREVER FEEL BURDENED..AND REMEMBER YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

 

BUT THAT’S A WRAP FROM ME,PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE..

LOTS OF LOVE

XXXXXX

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